Nifty Things I Now Know at Fifty

Rather than mourn the loss of my twenties, thirties, and now FORTIES (!), I decided to write what half a century on this earth has taught me. Nifty stuff I wish I knew when I was twenty- and thirty-something, raising small children, and forty-something, raising teenagers.

This is not an exhaustive list, and I jot it down in no particular order:

1. Over-achievers/perfectionists punish not only ourselves, but our children and spouses too. I feel serious remorse for how I hounded my kids to do things RIGHT--not half-assed (my father's terminology). Which leads to number two:

2. Sometimes half-assed is good enough :) I wouldn't want my brain operated on by a surgeon with this philosophy, but let's face it: Not everything is brain surgery! Not every task has to be done really well; we simply don't have time and energy to put forth our best effort for every single thing. Messy pancakes taste just fine. Exercising a little and sloppily is better than not at all. Speed folding laundry works. My husband's lame-o dishwashing and vacuuming is better than him not doing it :)

3. It's ok to disappoint people. They will have to get over it. You can never please everyone, so don't stress about it.

4. Sleep enough. You'll live longer and healthier.

5. Exercise is necessary, but manic exercise is not (and it's not even safe). Joints have to last you around 80 years or better. Moderate exercise is best. Trust me: I'm 50 and wish I would have been easier on my ankles, hips and wrists when I was in my 20's.

6. Food is meant to be enjoyed and it is morally neutral. It is not unethical to eat instant spuds and twinkies. But...

7. Food is not love or drugs. Treating it that way will harm you.

8. Ultra cleanliness is harmful. Children raised by bleach-mamas have poor immune systems.

9. The opposite of ultra cleanliness is pigdom, which is harmful as well. Which leads to:

10. Stuff is not love. Hoarding is bad for your health. It attracts rodents and bugs which carry diseases and smell bad.

11. My list of to-do tasks will never end. No use fretting over that fact.

12. My house will always look worse than I think it should. So what?

13. I will always be fatter than I wish I were. Again, so what?

14. Outward beauty fades...replace with ever-increasing inner beauty.

15. Everything in moderation. Well, everything legal and moral: sweets, alcohol, exercise, work, friends, shopping, recreation, etc.

16. Money (and the stuff it can buy/adventures it can fund) is NOT worth sacrificing your children and health to.

17. Debt is bad. Avoid it.

18. When you are in your 20's and 30's you are supposed to be poor. Don't expect a fancy house and cool car. See number 17.

19. Go outside a lot.

20. You will get over it. Whatever it is.

21. Most of us, male and female, need nutritional supplements as we don't get 'em in in our food and live a looooonnnnng time(think calcium and vitamin D).

22. Sometimes natural supplements don't cut it. That's when I bring in the big guns(meds)!

23. Unsolicited advice is very irritating. Try not to give it.

24. We only have today, period.

25. Back up your computer (I learned this the hard way).

26. God's opinion of me is the only one that really counts.

27. Guilt tripping myself doesn't work.

28. Not everything is my problem.

29. I need nights off at home with no obligations.

30. I will forget these things from time to time and will have to relearn them :)

Sometimes you gotta rip out the old...

I have finally given up. The carpet in our weight room slash doggy sleep room has to go. I have cleaned it with everything: Doggy doo doo beGONE shampoo, baking soda, FeBreeze, Carpet Fresh, vinegar water (which only succeeded in making it smell like pickled dog turd), etc. The odor is trapped in the pad and sadly, the only cure is to pull it up and throw it out (which won't happen until our old dogs are gone...no use throwing good carpet before swine...er dogs).

Metaphorically speaking, sometimes life's crappy (excuse the pun) carpets need tossing as well. Smelly rugs comes in many forms: a friendship gone sour, a financially draining business, a job causing undue stress and unhappiness, or a relative in need of some tough love. Solomon wisely wrote that there is "a time to keep and a time to throw away." So how do we determine what sort of time we're facing?

I believe there are times when God sets us on a hard and lonely road. To be tested by fire (1 Pet. 1:7) and to "endure hardship as discipline(Hebrews 12:7)," but there are also times we need to get rid of harmful or even unnecessary chaff in our lives. Some chaff is obvious, but other can only be identified by the Holy Spirit; those times we need His help to identify the chaff vs. valuable grain. Most likely your marriage is grain, not chaff; just sayin'. Sometimes marriage seems like a trek up Everest (which no sane person should ever do); that is not the time to bail. Nor is it time when his chewing or her laugh drives you up a tree, or the seasons you just don't feel in love or attracted to him/her any longer. This is petty, self-centered stuff, and my gentle advice: "SUCK IT UP! Also, remember that "love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:7). BUT...we don't have to endure marital abuse and severe addictions. We don't have to tolerate friends who chronically cut us down, break promises, suck us dry emotionally, or compromise our values. We don't have to tolerate the irresponsible adult child parasitizing us. We don't have to live in squalor or work for an angry and belittling boss. We can fire a lazy and irresponsible employee. We can change where we shop, bank or go to church.

In my life, I have "had a boundary," as my mom would say, about the above things. I have broken an engagement with a faithless alcohol abuser (after suffering WAY too long). I have ended painful friendships. I have left churches that were morally or doctrinally compromised. I have refused to shop at certain stores that support causes I totally disagreed with. And I refuse to vote for those who promote or even tolerate child killing (abortion). On the other end, I have endured marital troubles that could easily have led to divorce, and have lived to tell about it (we will celebrate our silver anniversary this fall)! I have pursued and asked forgiveness of friends whom I've wounded and scared off. I have given lots of money to my children, simply because they were in need and were trying their absolute best. I have forgiven those I did not want to forgive and welcomed them back into my life. 1 Corinthians 4:8 sums it well, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair..." Life will be full of decisions to make; thankfully we have the All-Wise and Knowing One as our Counselor! We just have to learn to listen...