Over Commitment

Recently I found myself at a familiar place in my life again: the valley of over commitment. On the surface, my schedule didn't really appear packed, and it wasn't until I took time to write it down that I saw the main problem: the only evenings free at home were weekends, and for this homebody, that ain't enough! My mood suffered with increasing anger and resentment. I resorted to blaming other people for daring to ask me to do anything-for FORCING me to either accept another commitment, or the far scarier option. to utter the evil word, "NO."

After some practical advice from my hubby and a helpful friend, I whittled some otherwise beneficial activities out of my schedule, said "no" to a few people, and determined to refuse any new activities. Whew-I feel much better! I'm happier, less annoyed by interruptions, and much nicer at work...which I'm sure both my customers and co-workers appreciate.

The deeper question, however, remains: what is it about saying "no" that scares me? I think it started in childhood-saying "no" didn't fly with the parental units. Then as a teen, I stupidly acquired a controlling boyfriend who couldn't accept the N-word. And then, as a young married woman, I attended my first marital bible study, one which advocated the law of absolute wifely submission (read: obedience) to husbands. I have since determined that directive is a lie from the pit of Hell :) So my unused "no-muscle" atrophied over the years, and even though I've improved significantly in my middle-age, I still succumb to guilt-driven yeses. I generally feel like a bad Christian if I ignore or refuse a genuine need, though my mind screams out Jesus' truth: "the poor you always have with you," (Matthew 26:11a).

Demands for my time, money, compassion, etc will always exist, but I'm not always called to that particular need. Once again, I'm challenged to walk by the Spirit, not by the flesh, by faith, and not by sight. I err just as much when I serve out of guilt as when I avoid serving out of selfishness. Guilt and selfishness both stem from the sinful nature, which has been crucified with Christ. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Practice with me: "NNnnnnnOoooo!"

Time Management?

I want to manage my time, I really do, so that I can keep my life/house/relationships in order. I am not a huge slob. My house is almost always picked up. I'm not a collector (except for scrapbook memorabilia, and that's stuffed in boxes in the cubby under my stairs). BUT my house needs some TLC-it's dusty and needs a thorough spring cleaning, which slides into fall, and then the next spring, and so on. I need to declutter some cupboards and closets, but mainly, I have lots of fix-er-up projects I want to do...and they sit on the back burner endlessly. So, thinking about all this motivates me to implement new habits to get 'er done...that is, until I start googling resources and butt up against such suggestions as: 1. track all your time (boo) 2. If you think of something and it takes under two minutes, do it right away. But I don't just think of ONE thing-so the twenty-something things I think of will actually take 40 minutes or so, so this one doesn't work out. 3. Get up an hour earlier. Nah. I NEED my beauty rest! 4. Track the "time bandits" (such as Facebook, texting, surfing the net...) But these things are more fun than chores and stuff! And so on. I basically realized that I don't want to CHANGE...I want to wave a magic wand and have things magically get done so I can focus on the stuff I like: my grandkids, writing, walking my dogs, outdoor rec, reading, knitting, facebook...fun stuff! So I conducted a Facebook (of course) poll of my friends who ARE good managers of time and household to get some tips I might like better than the above ones: 1) Set aside one night a week for cleaning. This is a good idea, except for those whose weekly schedule varies so much: I also have commitments four nights a week, plus grandkids on one or two others, which varies week to week. BUT if I really am committed, I just need to be flexible and choose to clean on whatever night I'm home and without grandkids (assuming I'm not exhausted, of course :) 2. Use flylady.net as a resource. I really like her suggestions, and she has helped tons of people, but somehow I don't get around to her suggestions, except for the shiny kitchen sink. I have done that for years, ever since I first found her website! 3. Fill sink with hot soapy water and do up dishes as you cook. Good plan. I don't procrastinate dishes much, so not a big problem with me. 4. (My favorite) My sister-in-law said that even "cleanies" don't have it all together! Ha ha! So I need to stop thinking they do. I'm going with number 4., thank-you very much!

Once again, I realize it boils down to I think I want to change, but am not very committed to the process. Which means one of two things: 1) I'm actually happy with the way things are, but just feel like I SHOULD change, or 2) My current condition isn't painful enough to force me to change.

Sigh...once again, I am my own worst enemy. On the bright side, I found a couple of great quotes today:

"The birds are molting. If only man could molt also - his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year its useless passions." ~James Allen

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

Get 'Er Done

I often marvel at our general tolerance of the negative habits in our lives. Self-destructive behaviors include chronic overeating, drugs, alcohol, compulsive shopping, gambling, pornography...and/or basically any other compulsive behavior that wrecks our health, wealth, relationships or happiness. Why don't we change? A few reasons come to mind: we don't realize we actually can change; we actually like living in chaos and insanity; we lack the energy or motivation to change; or we believe that we are completely trapped by our behaviors. I propose, however, that we all possess the necessary tools for change. We can get help.

For years I struggled with my emotions. I would vent (and vent, and vent) to my family and friends (I'm sure they were totally sick of me and my problems), but the venting really didn't accomplish much in the long run. I read millions of self-help books. I asked for prayer over and over again. I had so many inner healing sessions I should be given an honorary PhD in Inner Healing :) After all that, I was still an emotional wreck. So then I went to a 12-step Overcomers Anonymous group for a few weeks. Unfortunately, this particular group really didn't want to overcome anything, so my membership was short-lived. Then I went to a counselor for awhile, but she was into New Age philosophy, plus she kept telling me I was tense. Duh. FINALLY I went to my family doctor, and he very wisely suggested I might have a genetically low seratonin problem and prescribed anti-depressants. Viola! I became a new woman, and the past six years have been the most emotionally stable years of my life, thank-you Jesus!

The whole point of recounting my journey is to make a strong case for proactivity in our lives. We can continue in our same ruts and somehow expect miraculous change (which indicates insanity, according to Dr. Phil), or we can look for and try different solutions to our problems. We don't NEED to suffer from self-sabotaging behaviors, but overcoming them requires work and commitment. We can be passive and unhealthy, or we can be proactive and agents of positive change. I truly believe in doing WHATEVER it takes to confront and kill a behavior that is robbing me of health and peace. And I also KNOW that I am not alone...Christ died to SAVE me from my sins...that means I am not helpless against them. "I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me," Philippians 4:13, and:"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us," Hebrews 12:1. We CAN "get 'er done," and live the full life we were created to live.