Blessed (NOT!) are the Easily Offended

Let's admit it: relationships are HARD. They're even harder for the self-focused. Most of us are selfish to a degree, and we realize it, but what we may not understand is that our tendency to be easily offended is just another manifestation of selfishness. Most of us don't want to admit this. We want to nurse the slights from others and exact every ounce of self-righteousness from them. This is a flawed mindset that places us at the center of the universe. ALL of the people in our lives WILL hurt us at some point; they are fallible human beings just like we are, and blaming them for hurting us, ignoring us, shafting us, etc. is completely pointless and self-sabotaging. Much of the time they offend us inadvertently, simply a side effect of following their own agenda.

We must seize exclusive responsibility for our own moods, feelings, insecurities, actions and motives. No one can "make" us do or feel anything. We can allow others to control, manipulate or push us into feeling badly about ourselves, or we can own our own thoughts, feelings and reactions. As we mature, we (ideally) should move away from sensitivity to criticism, rejection, people-pleasing and the like.

Take an inventory. What's your mood like most of the time? What do you attribute it to? If you generally blame it on someone else, you're traveling down a victimization and/or codependent path. Your thought life is killing you. Recently I was informed that I had inadvertently offended three people (by three separate actions!). I was floored; I had no idea I possessed so much power! I spent about an hour stewing over how I could repair the relationships, but coming to my senses, I realized that my actions were not directed toward the individuals, and if each of them were operating in a healthy mindset, they would not have taken offense. So I let it go; I'm allowing them to be offended. I'm allowing them to CHOOSE to be hurt or angry with me. Now if any of these people had the courage to confront me about my actions and how they felt about them, I would apologize for unknowingly causing offense, but just hearing it secondhand, I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie.

It's time to stop viewing every encounter through a one-way lens. It's time to get on with life and stop allowing the opinions and actions of others to derail us emotionally. As some wise person once said, "You're not up for vote!" Let's be free.