Consumed: Why Americans Love, Hate and Fear Food, by Michelle Stacey

"We will not be healthier, both psychologically and physically, about our food until we learn to love it more, not less...with a relaxed, generous, unashamed emotion. That will be the only way to free ourselves from our sad and fruitless struggle against its power. In the process, it may be that we will have to redefine fundamentally the concept of 'eating well.' The phrase now, in the hands of the food paranoids, is often used to convey the idea of following a diet scientifically programed to prevent disease...and almost religiously outlawing certain forbidden foods. Perhaps eating well instead ought to mean eating fresh, well-prepared foods that are varied and satisfying, served in an appealing way, eaten at leisure-a way of eating that, because nothing is completely ruled out, obviates the need for snacking, for 'cheating,' for obsessing and bingeing. That might also end the driving anxiety about our food-the idea that what we eat is killing us, and that we must do something drastic and painful to repair the damage."

In a nutshell, the above passage defines the thrust of "enlightened hedonism," and the author's assertion that America's "disordered" eating has brought us to this place of food paranoia.

Though published in 1994, much of what the book had to say rings true today...somehow our relationship with food has evolved into fear- the primal fear of death, which is futile, because death, as we all know, is inevitable.

"...a life lived by the numbers [counting calories, fat grams, points, etc.] seeks to evade the most central of truths: Even the most religious of dieters cannot dictate the exact moment or nature of one's death. Perhaps the most disturbing, and disheartening, aspect of the current food paranoia is that is seems driven far more by a fear of death than by a love of life. It is possible to become so engaged in the business of fleeing illness and decay that one forgets how to truly and fully live-or forgets that one point of living is to enjoy."

Well said. The author also asserts that much of our obesity and food obsession stems directly from our American fast food and snacking mentality. We avoid eating good, wholesome food, and grab quick, "cheater" food, inhale it, and that experience leaves us wanting and on the prowl for more food experience. We then binge on quickie junk, and our subsequent weight gain and guilt catapults us into a stringent diet which starves us for FOOD, and the cycle begins again. A couple nights ago I came home famished, but instead of grabbing the nearest edible thing, I munched a couple carrots, and prepared an amazing dinner for myself: creamy scallop sauce over linguine (butter and cream galore), french bread (more butter) and wine. I threw some mushrooms and broccoli florets into the sauce for good measure. I sat down, thanked the Lord for His amazing abundance, and slowly ate my meal, savoring each bite. Normally I'm a rapid eater, so this exercise was somewhat trying...BUT about 3/4 the way through my moderate to small helpings, I was completely satisfied, and didn't crave another bite of ANYTHING the rest of the night. I think Ms. Stacey may be onto something. Given the full experience of savoring not only the taste of the meal but also the aroma and even the preparation (cooking isn't my favorite activity), satisfies some God-given food enjoyment "gene," and to eat the slap-dash American way is to starve that "gene" and trigger it to binge.

I have always joked that I'm a hedonist at heart, but now I have given myself permission to be an "enlightened hedonist." One who prepares wholesome food but doesn't worry about the fat grams, carbs, calories or "righteousness" (as Gwen Shamblin of Weigh Down terms it) of a particular ingredient. I will eat when I'm hungry, savor my food, stop when I'm pleasantly full, and wait again to eat when I'm hungry. The end.

"Women Food and God" a book review...of sorts

At first I resisted this book. I absolutely hate "new age-y," touchy-feely books that reduce God to a tappable source within human beings. That lie gravels me worse than practically any other, but God has been speaking to me lately about keeping the baby as I toss out the bath water. Just as Elijah received raven-delivered food in 1 Kings 17, so can the fallen things of this world bring bits of truth to me, truth delivered for my growth and benefit. And...I do NOT have to fear deception! I am not some weak, frail seeker, on the edge of losing the truth. "HE that is IN me is greater than he who is in the world." The Holy, All-Powerful HE can keep my feet on the path, my weak mind from sucking up and adopting crud. Thank-you, Holy Spirit! Anyway, after that long preamble, I will get to the meat of this book by Geneen Roth. She has hit the nail on the head regarding our corporate, incredibly dysfunctional relationship with food. "No matter how developed you are in any other area of your life, no matter what you say you believe, no matter how sophisticated or enlightened you thin you are, how you eat tells all...the desire to eat when you are not hungry reveals what you truly believe about life here on earth...In the moment that you reach for potato chips to avoid what you feel, you are effectively saying, 'There is no possibility of change so I might as well eat.' You are saying,"goodness exists for everyone but me so I might as well eat.' You are saying, 'I am fundamentally flawed so I might as well eat.' Or, 'Food is the only true pleasure in life so I might as well eat.'

As I read the book, I related to her words on so many levels. I truly believe many of us live our lives as if food is the enemy, or even worse, we are the enemy when it comes to food. Some excerpts:

"Diets are based on the unspoken fear that you are a madwoman, a food terrorist, a lunatic. The promise of a diet is not only that you will have a different body; it is that in having a different body, you will have a different life. If you hate yourself enough, you will love yourself. If you torture yourself enough, you will become a peaceful, relaxed human being.

Although the very notion that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to relaxation is absolutely insane, we hypnotize ourselves into believing that the end justifies the means. We treat ourselves and the rest of the world as if deprivation, punishment, and shame lead to change. We treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the only acceptable outcome is annihilation. Our deeply ingrained belief is that hatred and torture work. And although I've never met anyone—not one person—for whom warring with their bodies led to long-lasting change, we continue to believe that with a little more self-disgust, we'll prevail.

But the truth is that kindness, not hatred, is the answer. The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, and possibility. To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shame it. Not do anything but accept and—yes, Virginia—understand it. Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thin, you end up a deprived, shamed, fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes. When you abuse yourself (by taunting or threatening yourself), you become a bruised human being no matter how much you weigh. When you demonize yourself, when you pit one part of you against another—your ironclad will against your bottomless hunger—you end up feeling split and crazed and afraid that the part you locked away will, when you are least prepared, take over and ruin your life. Losing weight on any program in which you tell yourself that left to your real impulses you would devour the universe is like building a skyscraper on sand: Without a foundation, the new structure collapses...

I tell my retreat students that they need to remember two things: to eat what they want when they're hungry and to feel what they feel when they're not. Inquiry—the feel-what-you-feel part—allows you to relate to your feelings instead of retreat from them."

Roth's Eating guidelines are simple, yet wise:

Eat when you are hungry.

Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.

Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.

Eat what your body wants.

Eat until you are satisfied.

Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

But what about the overwhelming urge to eat when you are NOT hungry? Roth insists it is usually because there is something we are feeling that we don't want to feel. Her solution is to stop, breathe, and allow ourselves to FEEL the feeling (realizing we won't die from the feeling). Examine the feeling in the third person. The feeling often results from patterns formed in our childhood, and we need to realize we are no longer that powerless five-year-old. We are adults with many more tools than a child possesses. We have wisdom and knowledge at our disposal. And that isn't enough and we still need relief from an overwhelming feeling of loss, sadness, frustration, etc., rather than using food, we can employ other distractions: take a walk, read a book, etc. I think PRAYER is the best. Turn to God when we want to eat outside of hunger (a left-over "jewel" I picked up from Gwen Shamblin's Weigh Down "method"), praying something like, "God, I want to devour this entire pan of brownies. I am not hungry. I am struggling with something, and I need your grace and strength right now." Of course, I have not actually IMPLEMENTED that for years, but "Women" has reminded me that I am not alone in my battle against my food idolatry. I have the Almighty One on my side. He is my source of comfort, not the brownies, nachos, bag of black licorice, or super-sized fries.

I want to live a life fully committed to Jesus, not to my need for distraction, enjoyment, entertainment or comfort. I can't serve both Him and food. He is a jealous God.

"Lost and Found," A review (of sorts)

"Lost and Found," by Geneen Roth, expands her examination of a dysfunctional relationship with food to equal conflict with money. Though I really liked this book, once again I had to sift through the "new age-y" spiritual overtones and extract the valuable.

I particularly loved this passage:

"When I broke free from the obsession with food, I began by neutralizing the charge I'd given to it; I allowed myself to eat what I wanted when I was hungry. If I wanted coffee ice cream at eight in the morning, if I wanted pizza at midnight or Ring Dings for dinner, I allowed myself to eat them. And I gave myself a set of guidelines to follow: Every time I ate, I sat down, paid close attention to the taste of the food, and stopped when I'd had enough. The combination of legalizing what I'd considered stolen food and training myself to notice the smell, texture, and taste of what I was eating allowed food to become what it is: nourishment, sustenance, pleasure. And I'm discovering that the same process of asking and allowing is true in the relationship with money. When I'm seized by the need to have or buy something, I'm beginning to slow down, bring myself back to the present moment, and ask myself what I actually want, which is different from what I think I shouldn't have because it's wrong, greedy. When I take the charge away, a sweater loses its enchangment and bcomes just another woolly thing. Taking away the stolen quality also takes away the focus on I-me-mine. It widens the vision, allows me to see that the world is bigger than this particualr thing at this particular moment. I begin to ask questions that are impossible to consider when I am convinced the only way to get something is to "steal" it. Questions like Does this sweater/bouquet of flowers/T-shirt come from a country that employs child labor? Does the production of it hurt the environment in any way? Am i supporting something I believe in by making this purchase?

What I learned from the book: my consumption of food/use of money can no longer be something compartmentalized; as if there is no connection between the food I eat and my body, or the money I spend and my ethics. Both relationships need to be examined and my motives extracted. Am I downing these cream puffs one after another because I'm upset? Am I snatching up this "seen only on TV" item because I am lonely? Instead, I must resist the mindless eating and shopping and let myself feel the unpleasant emotion, confident that doing so won't actually kill me, and through it, I will learn something about myself, mature, and in the process, develop a healthier relationship with food/money. Chronic overeating is hard on my health and self-esteem, and impulse/excessive spending wreaks havoc on so many areas of my life, not the least of which my ability to give and share. I want to be a good steward of both realms: my "disposable earth suit" AND and my God-given wealth.

Book Review: Intuitive Eating

I just finished reading "Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that works" by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. I found it fascinating...even the chapters that were somewhat dry and academic. I think my interest in the book stemmed from a couple of things: one, I have been on a new hormone therapy, which causes "temporary" water weight gain, which lead me to subsequent panic producing food obsession, and two, I am totally burned out on any form of dieting and weight control.

The premise behind intuitive eating involves waiting to eat until one is hungry, choosing any appealing food, and slowly savoring each bite until full. An "appealing food" removes the moral rightness and wrongness of ANY food, and after awhile, one will naturally choose healthier options, because food restrictions have been lifted. The authors feel that we overeat on junk mostly because we have been conditioned to judge food according to diet rules: some foods are "good" while others are "bad," and due to natural rebellion, we want the forbidden (remember Adam and Eve in the Garden:). The main reason we overeat, according to the authors, is that we have tried our best to live under chronic diet rules, and that has caused us to biologically and psychologically revolt and crave sweets and fats.

For some of you this won't be new information. Many of us have tried the "Weigh Down Diet," by Gwen Shamblin of the Weigh Down Workshop, and while much of her "diet" contains the very same elements of intuitive eating, her main premise is that when we overeat, or eat when not hungry, we commit the sin of gluttony. The authors of "Intuitive," however, insist that part of the pleasure of eating involves occasionally eating when not hungry-as in a celebration or to top off dinner with dessert.

I took issue with Ms. Shamblin back when I first tried her "diet" (she insists it's not a diet, but a way of eating that honors God), with her works-based eating plan. She claims we can only please God by avoiding gluttony (defined by her as eating outside of hunger) at all costs, which creates a new rule that few of us have
ever even thought of. Don't get me wrong, I do believe gluttony is a sin, much as gossiping, pride, self-absorption, etc. are sins, but I do not believe that eating a piece of dessert after dinner when no longer hungry constitutes gluttony. Her whole food-freedom (no food is righteous and all foods are created equal, and if we listen to our bodies, we will eventually desire the foods our bodies require) premise sounds wonderful and freeing until one encounters her whole "thou shalt not eat when not hungry, period, and if thou doest, repent and wait for hunger again." That legalism gets old in a hurry. On the pettier side, I could not stand the sound of her voice on her audio recordings, or even the tone in her books. I felt like she was arrogant, attention-needy and self-righteous, and along the way she even admitted she didn't really struggle with overeating. "So why should we listen to you then, huh?" I wanted to ask. But I digress, and you will think I'm critiquing "the Weigh Down Diet" book. I guess I have harbored some resentment against her program...

Back to the book in question: I started the "program" of intuitive eating three days ago...and already I have noticed a phenomenal change: Food does not stress me out, AND I have passed up sweets (my former nemesis) just because I don't feel like eating them at the time. Unheard of for this lady! It's quite cool. I am not, however, naive enough to think I've become an intuitive eater, but the freedom from worrying about what I should eat, when I should eat, and how much I should eat, and what foods are sinful and should be avoided like the plague thrills me no end. I will keep y'all posted as I walk through this journey...

Over Commitment

Recently I found myself at a familiar place in my life again: the valley of over commitment. On the surface, my schedule didn't really appear packed, and it wasn't until I took time to write it down that I saw the main problem: the only evenings free at home were weekends, and for this homebody, that ain't enough! My mood suffered with increasing anger and resentment. I resorted to blaming other people for daring to ask me to do anything-for FORCING me to either accept another commitment, or the far scarier option. to utter the evil word, "NO."

After some practical advice from my hubby and a helpful friend, I whittled some otherwise beneficial activities out of my schedule, said "no" to a few people, and determined to refuse any new activities. Whew-I feel much better! I'm happier, less annoyed by interruptions, and much nicer at work...which I'm sure both my customers and co-workers appreciate.

The deeper question, however, remains: what is it about saying "no" that scares me? I think it started in childhood-saying "no" didn't fly with the parental units. Then as a teen, I stupidly acquired a controlling boyfriend who couldn't accept the N-word. And then, as a young married woman, I attended my first marital bible study, one which advocated the law of absolute wifely submission (read: obedience) to husbands. I have since determined that directive is a lie from the pit of Hell :) So my unused "no-muscle" atrophied over the years, and even though I've improved significantly in my middle-age, I still succumb to guilt-driven yeses. I generally feel like a bad Christian if I ignore or refuse a genuine need, though my mind screams out Jesus' truth: "the poor you always have with you," (Matthew 26:11a).

Demands for my time, money, compassion, etc will always exist, but I'm not always called to that particular need. Once again, I'm challenged to walk by the Spirit, not by the flesh, by faith, and not by sight. I err just as much when I serve out of guilt as when I avoid serving out of selfishness. Guilt and selfishness both stem from the sinful nature, which has been crucified with Christ. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Practice with me: "NNnnnnnOoooo!"

Time Management?

I want to manage my time, I really do, so that I can keep my life/house/relationships in order. I am not a huge slob. My house is almost always picked up. I'm not a collector (except for scrapbook memorabilia, and that's stuffed in boxes in the cubby under my stairs). BUT my house needs some TLC-it's dusty and needs a thorough spring cleaning, which slides into fall, and then the next spring, and so on. I need to declutter some cupboards and closets, but mainly, I have lots of fix-er-up projects I want to do...and they sit on the back burner endlessly. So, thinking about all this motivates me to implement new habits to get 'er done...that is, until I start googling resources and butt up against such suggestions as: 1. track all your time (boo) 2. If you think of something and it takes under two minutes, do it right away. But I don't just think of ONE thing-so the twenty-something things I think of will actually take 40 minutes or so, so this one doesn't work out. 3. Get up an hour earlier. Nah. I NEED my beauty rest! 4. Track the "time bandits" (such as Facebook, texting, surfing the net...) But these things are more fun than chores and stuff! And so on. I basically realized that I don't want to CHANGE...I want to wave a magic wand and have things magically get done so I can focus on the stuff I like: my grandkids, writing, walking my dogs, outdoor rec, reading, knitting, facebook...fun stuff! So I conducted a Facebook (of course) poll of my friends who ARE good managers of time and household to get some tips I might like better than the above ones: 1) Set aside one night a week for cleaning. This is a good idea, except for those whose weekly schedule varies so much: I also have commitments four nights a week, plus grandkids on one or two others, which varies week to week. BUT if I really am committed, I just need to be flexible and choose to clean on whatever night I'm home and without grandkids (assuming I'm not exhausted, of course :) 2. Use flylady.net as a resource. I really like her suggestions, and she has helped tons of people, but somehow I don't get around to her suggestions, except for the shiny kitchen sink. I have done that for years, ever since I first found her website! 3. Fill sink with hot soapy water and do up dishes as you cook. Good plan. I don't procrastinate dishes much, so not a big problem with me. 4. (My favorite) My sister-in-law said that even "cleanies" don't have it all together! Ha ha! So I need to stop thinking they do. I'm going with number 4., thank-you very much!

Once again, I realize it boils down to I think I want to change, but am not very committed to the process. Which means one of two things: 1) I'm actually happy with the way things are, but just feel like I SHOULD change, or 2) My current condition isn't painful enough to force me to change.

Sigh...once again, I am my own worst enemy. On the bright side, I found a couple of great quotes today:

"The birds are molting. If only man could molt also - his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year its useless passions." ~James Allen

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

Get 'Er Done

I often marvel at our general tolerance of the negative habits in our lives. Self-destructive behaviors include chronic overeating, drugs, alcohol, compulsive shopping, gambling, pornography...and/or basically any other compulsive behavior that wrecks our health, wealth, relationships or happiness. Why don't we change? A few reasons come to mind: we don't realize we actually can change; we actually like living in chaos and insanity; we lack the energy or motivation to change; or we believe that we are completely trapped by our behaviors. I propose, however, that we all possess the necessary tools for change. We can get help.

For years I struggled with my emotions. I would vent (and vent, and vent) to my family and friends (I'm sure they were totally sick of me and my problems), but the venting really didn't accomplish much in the long run. I read millions of self-help books. I asked for prayer over and over again. I had so many inner healing sessions I should be given an honorary PhD in Inner Healing :) After all that, I was still an emotional wreck. So then I went to a 12-step Overcomers Anonymous group for a few weeks. Unfortunately, this particular group really didn't want to overcome anything, so my membership was short-lived. Then I went to a counselor for awhile, but she was into New Age philosophy, plus she kept telling me I was tense. Duh. FINALLY I went to my family doctor, and he very wisely suggested I might have a genetically low seratonin problem and prescribed anti-depressants. Viola! I became a new woman, and the past six years have been the most emotionally stable years of my life, thank-you Jesus!

The whole point of recounting my journey is to make a strong case for proactivity in our lives. We can continue in our same ruts and somehow expect miraculous change (which indicates insanity, according to Dr. Phil), or we can look for and try different solutions to our problems. We don't NEED to suffer from self-sabotaging behaviors, but overcoming them requires work and commitment. We can be passive and unhealthy, or we can be proactive and agents of positive change. I truly believe in doing WHATEVER it takes to confront and kill a behavior that is robbing me of health and peace. And I also KNOW that I am not alone...Christ died to SAVE me from my sins...that means I am not helpless against them. "I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me," Philippians 4:13, and:"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us," Hebrews 12:1. We CAN "get 'er done," and live the full life we were created to live.